Ninjeshwari and Jesus were having a face-off.
“Just five loaves of bread and two fish?! For all of these people??” she said pointing to the nearly 5000 followers gathered in the hill valley. “I’m an event manager, not a magician!”
“Well, I’m paying you enough to conjure some magic. Don’t tell me you no longer want a place in heaven!” he replied gruffly.
“Hrmph! I’m beginning to wonder if it’s really worth it”, she grumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing!”
And then Ninjeshwari called up her contacts in the area nearby, cashed in her favors, and brought in 5 cart loads of food and fish for all the people.
They ate and were merry.
And so it came to pass, that people in all of Galilee and Jerusalem, spoke in awe of how Jesus fed the people with just five loaves of bread and two fish.
“What the…!” Ninjeshwari started, saw Jesus, and continued, “…heaven is this?!”
“What happened child?”
“I cashed in all my favors in that blas… …ssed area and fed all those people, and you get all the credit?!”
“Child, people only see what they want to see”, replied Jesus profoundly.
Ninjeshwari was silenced with the profoundness… for 5 seconds.
“But the truth?!”
“What is truth, my dear child? The earth feels the sun goes around it, the sun feels the whole galaxy spins around it… who do you think is right? There is only one truth, dear. It is love.”
“Oh! I thought it was sex,” she mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing!” she replied with a straight face.
“I hear everything, child.” Jesus replied sagely. “I think it’s not yet time for you to enter heaven. You must first know what hell is; only then will your faith grow strong.”
“Hey! Now that’s cheating! You promised!”
“I did, but I never said that you will get heaven after THIS life”, Jesus winked.
“Oh so the Hindus were right after all!, she exclaimed, as if suddenly the mysteries of life were revealed to her.
“Errr… everyone’s got some bits right, some not quite. It wouldn’t be called the mystery of life if I were to just reveal the whole thing to you imbeciles now, would it?”
And just like that he burst her bubble of wisdom.
“But you dear child, I like very much. So it is good if you enter heaven. But before that, you must see hell.”
“What? No wait, please don’t! Nooooooo……”
And so Ninjeshwari died. And was reborn in the present day age. And her education about hell started.
“Ninjeshwari… I have a quotient…”
“Nooooooooooooo….”, her soul screamed in agony.
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