The Test

I wish I could love you
I wish I could let go

Maybe it was Fate that brought us together
Maybe it was just our broken pasts

Does that make our lives intertwined
Does that make our love a little blind

Could I go back and say "No"
Could I live with not knowing you

Why does life throw us
Questions that can't be answered
Why does love make us
Bleed with nothing to show

Do you hold on cuz you don't want to start again
Do you cut me to see how far I'm willing to stay

How many more lies do I have to wade through
How many more truths will it take to get to you

Could I have felt this pain if you'd not made me happy
Could I have felt this anger if you'd never held me

Am I any better than you or any more sober
Am I just a little bitter for not being stronger

Is that why we are standing here
With nothing but our naked souls
Is this a test of the oath we swore
To have and to hold through all we've borne

Night Out

Under the moonlit sky
The trickling water flowing by
Far in the distance the song of a bird
The wind carrying its tune like a lullaby
And right next to me is my sweetheart
With his warmth and smile and life

Broken Heart

Words are your weapons
Words just tools
Twisting them around
You've made me a fool

Away from you, alone
I could see clear as day
But for the wretch I am
I fell for your twisted ways

I wish I'd never met you
Let you scar me like you did
But then again without my wounds
I wouldn't have known what love really is

Emptiness

This emptiness
Do you know what it feels like
This emptiness
It's hollow, it echoes, and it hurts so much
It's like a pillow pressed down your face
You can't breathe
It's heavy, it's here, and I can't bear
This emptiness

I know it will pass
All else will settle down
I'll be back with a song
But tonight, just tonight
When you are not here by my side
I can't just help feel
This emptiness

The days are just fine
But the nights, those lonely nights
They are unbearable
I toss and I turn
Until the hours turn to dawn
And keeping a watch is
This emptiness

I wonder is it love or am I weak
To suffer like this from
This emptiness
Oh it will go away
With time, with work
With the wait for your return
Till then I'll deal surely with
This emptiness

O Sweet Love of Mine

Have I told you, really told you, what in my heart I have been feeling
Or like most wives, have I failed you, by only just complaining?
Have I ever told you that I have never been more happy, happy, happy!
To be loved, O so freely loved, I do so wonder if I'm dreaming!
Let me hold you and sing to you, O my dear beloved darling
Of the man I see in you and the one you are becoming!
You are kind, O so very kind, the most gentle, generous being
In every moment, every step, you live like there's no ending
"There is good in all, and every way", you never stop believing
And though I may shout I do see that you're more now than you were ever
Calm and strong, responsible, willing to bend a little for me once in a little while
If that's not love, then I must be a fool, the worst that can ever be
To not see you and your shining heart, and how it surely loves me
I don't know what have I ever done to find someone like you
But I sure as well, will do all I can, to really deserve the love from you!

Eulogy

I wonder how my eulogy would be
Would it be sad, would it be glad
Would they sing my praises grand
Or furtively hum a happy song
In their sorrow fall where they stand
Or dance in a tizzy all day long

I wonder how my eulogy would be
When they all gather to bury me
Would I leave a gaping hole
Or would their life be as before
Would they have much to say
Or would they just give a blank stare

I wonder how my eulogy would be
And I wonder why it fascinates me
This morbid curiosity to hear what they'll say
When I'm long gone from this mould of clay
Am I in love with my own fame
Or do I wonder if they love me as I love them

Demons

Hiding as a shadow
Unseen, unheard
Scuttling just at the edge
Making its presence felt
Weaving a slippery web
The air smelling of dread

Its prey weak and scared
Jumping at the sound
Of its own ragged breath
Swatting away wraiths
Its past has found
And wrung at the oracle's nape

The scheming spider
Feeds on fear
Its web of ivory words
Piercing deeper than swords
Separating its prey
From hearth and love
Shaping friends as fey
The world a foe
All a myth, at Hades' gate

Faith like quicksand
Trust a dark stranger
All ways a maze
The mind in a haze
Only love and the brave
A path can pave

The Boat

Bobbing up and down
Adrift without a sail
Amid the stormy sea
A boat tries to float

Somewhere beyond the haze
Where the sea meets the sky
Lies home and warm hearth
But hope is slipping by

The storm gathers strength
Wind and water, its violent allies
Scheming against the battered boat
Thrashing it off its chosen path

It heaves, it creaks
As it's lost under a wave
But then it strives and rises again
Leaving behind bits of wood

Slowly it grows lighter
In its strife with the storm
Little does it know
It's swirling toward the Eye

Beyond and beneath
Lies Hell's fiery flames
Hope, fluttering and broken
Yet bravely keeping it aloft

Its fate is not known
Once gay, twice forlorn
But then isn't it so for those
Who set sail on life's spinning storm

Despair

I beg
I bleed
I seek
To fill the hole

I wish
I want
I hope
To lose and let go

I fall
I fail
I lose
Every time I stand up

I wish
I want
I need
To end it all

Always...Better

Climb, climb, climb higher
Give up, give up never

Run, run, run even faster
'Fore death seals fate forever

Look, look, look up always
Hope will show the best way

Break the Cycle

Can I just walk away
From the shadows cast behind
    Please let me walk away
    Do not with chains me bind

Can I just throw it off
The anchor that roots and traps
    Please just let me throw it off
    Before the girl, she snaps

Can I just close my eyes
To the whip and the yoke
    Please let me close my eyes
    For in their vomit, they choke

Can I just break the cycle
Of pain, despair, sorrow
    Please let me break the cycle
    Oh I seek a better morrow

Aankhon Ka Dhoka

Zameen jaise sarak gayi ho
    Paav ke niche se
Apni hi parchayee ab toh
    Na aaye pehchaan mein

Sab kuch bikhar gaya hai
    Neev tak dagmaga gayi
Darr toh tha mann mein
    Par ummeed ki thi acchi

Kya sab kuch jhoota tha?
    Kya sab ek dhoka tha?
Aankhon par thi kya patti?
    Kya samajh thi meri kacchi?

Kis cheez ka khauwf hai?
    Kyu mann bechain hai?
Meri parchayee toh mere saath hai
    Phir kyu tanhayee ka ehsaas hai?

Maa ka aanchal, pita ka pyaar
    Dosto ki masti, chinta unki
Sab hokar kyu lagta hai khali?
    Kyu lagta hai jaise ab bhi kuch hai baaki?

Pyaar nahi shaayad ek dhoka tha
    Ya pyaar nahi hone ka dikhaawa tha
Ya pyaar ka bas ek ehsaas tha
    Jo kuch dhundli yaadon se judah tha

Jo bhi ho sacch magar
    Yeh toh tey hai ki
Saath na nibhaaye agar
    Uska saath dena hai nadani

The Search

To hope is to believe
To believe is to trust
To trust is to have faith
To have faith is to have confidence
To have confidence is to have a will
To have a will is to have strength
To have strength is to have courage
To have courage is to be brave
To be brave is to face all odds
To face all odds is to live
To live is to find joy in life
To find joy is to find peace
To find peace is to find God
To find God is to find everything
And everything is love, isn't it?

So to hope...is to love...
To keep your heart open...
    Open to love and therefore to hate
    To joy and so to sorrow
    To peace and so to pain
    To trust and so to deceit
To accept one you must accept it all
To deny one is to deny it all.

To accept is to live
To live is to grow
To refuse growth is to die

Faith

My life is like a breeze
I know not where it leads
It's as if it's stopped still
In time and in my memories

Do I still feel?
Do I care a little?

How can I know when everything's frozen
How can I love when my heart's broken

Hope is all I have
Prayers are all I got
He said He'll look after me
Faith is my only shot

The Mind

Unbound like the wind
With wings spread wide
Seeing distant lands
Their song and their dance
Opening, learning, taking new strides
No limits for the mind

But so strange it seems
To those who've not ventured out
Confusing, disturbing, absolutely alien
Misunderstanding it's different vein
Scared they label it, tie it, lock it out
Bound, fettered, the mind it screams

Born to be different, reared to be same
Everyone looks like everyone else
Blind and deaf to our mind's murders
Those who defy, die as martyrs
But more often than not, their graves are unmarked
Yet better that than see them chain, kill, maim

Freedom it seeks
Freedom it shall find
In life or through death
Through whichever path
For free is the mind
In freedom it thrives

Fear

Afraid to step out
    To start, to finish
Scared to speak out
    My desires to relish
Fearing to fall down
    Whether fallen or standing tall
Dread to face a frown
    From one and from all
Afraid of being afraid
    Of being unsure and frail

Fear grips me
    Fear tears me
        Fear chains me
            Fear drains me
Fear is all I know
    Fear is all I fear
        Fear is my greatest foe
            Fear is all that's near

Afraid I'll lose, Afraid I'll fail
Afraid I'll be unheard, everytime I hail
Afraid of love, Afraid of hate
Afraid of opening my heart to fate
Afraid of light, Afraid of dark
Afraid of hope that lights a spark
Afraid of dreams, Afraid of pictures
Afraid how they shatter into a million pieces

Fear is all I know
    Fear is all I fear
        Fear is my greatest foe
            Yet fear is all that's near

Broken

Broken is my heart
Broken it is
Broken like a million shards of glass
Broken and kicked away

There it lies bleeding
In a dark dusty corner
Thirsty for a little light
For a gentle kind word

It creeps, it crawls
To seek what it may
Perhaps find some peace
Or stumble in dismay

“Hope! Hope!" They say
Hope, to it, is the crow's call
“Hope for a brighter day"
Isn't it better to end it all?

Parched is the land
Seek water but all you get is the sand
Coarse and dry, it burns your throat
Making you croak a silent cry

Tired is the soul
Tired are the feet
Dreading through Sheol
Dragging life along

Life is distant
Like the sun that's hidden
Behind clouds so dark
Even dawn can't wake the lark

But then one day
A ray got out
Following a path or just astray
It reached my broken heart

The light fell, it came back
The glass pieces became a mirror
Casting back a thousand pictures
A collage of what once were

You may not like what you see
The picture is not pretty
It is what it is
A sharp shadow of reality

Empty, dark, the soul it reeks
Putrid air is all it breathes
What is love? What is hope?
All day long, I do mope

There's more to life, more to me
But my strength is no more with me
All roads are blocked, no path I see
Every breath I take is vanity

What should I struggle for?
Why should I stand?
My wounds are still sore
This pain can I no longer withstand

Weary of bone
Weary of soul
Where my heart should've been
There's only a hole

How do I love
Or shed tears of care?
Without trust or faith
When every turn could be a snare?

Fear shackles me
Courage can set me free
Courage to trust, to once again believe
To befriend myself, not be my enemy

Khudai

Khuda se hum the jo naaraz
Ishq ko hi imaan bana liya

Samajh baithe the jise ghairat hum
Usi ne hume loot liya

Khud se hi hue hum naqaab
Itna dil toot gaya

Jis khuda se the hum naaraz
Usi ne hume phir samet liya

My Heart

Lost and never found
Blind but never deaf
Numb yet always feeling
Still it searches... Still it searches...  

Hurt and deeply wounded
Sheltered but not safe
Stricken yet not hopeless
Still it lingers... Still it lingers...  

Wise it is not
Foolish it has been
Foolish it is yet
Still it holds on... Still it holds on...  

Answers it has none
Questions is all it's got
Truth it no longer knows
Still it loves... Still it loves...

Pyaar

Pyaar andha hai,
Behra hai
Bewakoof bhi.

Pyaar gumraah hai
Jhoota hai
Badmaash bhi.

Pyaar chanchal hai
Asthir hai
Dhokebaaz bhi.

Pyaar na hai idhar
Na hai udhar
Hai beghar abhi