Hesitation

He saw her the first time in the wedding hall. Someone else's wedding, of course.

Four rows of chairs were lined up against the wall. There was a large clearing in the center where the bride and the groom were dancing. In fact, where almost everyone were dancing. Except him... and her.

There she was sitting by herself, across the clearing. She had worn an off-white dress with subtle silver work. Small white sandals, delicate silver jewelry, and a white and silver handbag complimented her attire. Her oval face, delicately pointed at the tip, was framed by straight black hair that fell just below her shoulders. Her pink lips would quite often break into a beautiful smile. Twin slanted eyebrows above her soft brown eyes only accentuated her delicate features. Her small, child-like hands were demurely clasped together in her lap. Everything about her was... fragile. But that's not what had caught his attention.

The dancing light in her eyes belied the young innocence that she radiated. Even as she sat upright in the most elegant way, her feet were tapping away happily with the rhythm of the music. The strict discipline that she made her body follow, seemed to escape her eyes and feet. They looked adamant in giving away her secret... her playful, buoyant spirit.

All of a sudden, she turned around... and looked straight at him! He didn't know what to do! Immediately he shifted his eyes and started looking intently at the dancing couple.

'Gosh! How long was I staring at her? No wonder she noticed! This is so embarrassing! I hope I am staring hard enough at the couple. Maybe she will fall for it and think that I wasn't looking at her at all.', he thought to himself.

From the corner of his eyes, he looked toward her.

'Oh no! She is still looking at me! And my cheeks are burning hot! I hope she doesn't notice that', he thought while he felt another surge of heat color his cheeks.

Slowly he counted 10 Mississippis before he got the nerve to look at her again. She had finally turned away. Breathing a sigh of relief, he tried to steal a glance of her again. He just couldn't help himself.

'Is she blushing? Did I just see the corner of her lips turn up in a smile? Nay, I'm sure I'm only imagining it', he thought and stared hard at her.

Before he could blink his eye, she looked around and smiled widely at him. Somehow, everyone and everything went silent. All he could see was her. Nothing else mattered. The lock of hair falling across her face swayed gently with the breeze. The dark lashes of her eyes moved as she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, her eyes shone with such happiness, it made his heart sway and leap. He was mesmerized.

He closed his eyes and held it closed to capture this moment.

'I have to go to her. Obviously, she likes me too. This is the moment.'

As he opened his eyes, he saw that she wasn't looking at him at all. He had, after all, imagined everything. Her face was still turned away, but it seemed that she wasn't smiling anymore. In fact, her chin was up and she looked... miffed. There was no other word that could explain her expression.

'Why is she angry? Or am I imagining that too? What am I thinking? Why would a girl like her even notice someone like me? I'm such an idiot!', he thought and looked away in dismay.

Just like that, everything seemed sour to him. The music was too loud and irritating. The people who were dancing, annoying and boisterous. He hated that the whole thing was taking so long.

'Why don't they just take the gifts and let us go?! Why should all these weddings be so long?', he grumbled.

But it didn't take him long, before his eyes turned toward her again. She was looking at him. She was even smiling coyly. At first, he couldn't believe his eyes.

'Wow! She is actually looking at me. Wait, no. I think I'm imagining all of it again. I'm not falling for that again,' he thought while he forced himself to look elsewhere.

When he finally thought his mind had stopped playing tricks on him again, he braced himself to look at her. But she was gone. Frantically, he looked everywhere to find her.

'There she is! Is she presenting the wedding gift right now? So soon? Why?', he wondered. As soon as she was done, she walked away and out toward the door.

'Wait! Oh God, please, don't walk away like that! Just turn around just once and let me know you like me too, and I would not let you go. Turn around just once, please,' he prayed silently. But as she walked out of the door, he couldn't watch her anymore. Heartbroken, he put down his head on his arms and cried at his helplessness.

'Should I turn around just once?' she wondered as she paused at the door.

She had seen him sitting at one of the chairs, the moment she had entered the hall. He was wearing a dark blue shirt with gray lines on it, and silver-gray pants. He was dressed ordinarily and yet there was something about him that caught her eye.

Every guy in that room was dressed splendidly. The moment she had entered, they had all turned around and looked at her. Irrespective of who they were with, they wanted her to notice them. But not him. For some reason, that annoyed her. She was so used to male attention, it was annoying that he had not even noticed her.

But she realized that he was lost in his own world. He was looking at everything and yet not seeing anything. She could clearly see that though he was sitting by himself, he was not alone. Somehow her irritation melted and she was now drawn to his gentle spirit.

The men she knew were strong, confident, and... thoughtless. They saw no one except themselves. As she walked in, she knew that each of those men who ogled her, saw a beautiful girl they could own. She felt such a great distaste for each of them, her hands clenched down into tight fists.

She half glided, half marched to a chair opposite him. Strangely, for the first time in her life, she wanted a man to look at her. She wanted him to look at her.

Without letting him know, she tried to spy him out. His dark eyes had a kind, faraway look in them. His thick, curly hair looked so unruly.

'I'm sure he has a lot of trouble keeping them in place,' she chuckled to herself. He was lean and tall. He had a stubble growing but it just made him look rugged and all the more attractive. She vaguely wondered if he had a girlfriend.

After a while, the bride and the groom came up to the dance floor to have their first dance. Later, everyone else joined them. She knew that if she wished, she would soon find a dance partner. But she also knew that he wasn't the dancing type. And tonight, she was going to make him notice her.

The music was great and she couldn't help notice the beautiful couple jiving. She tapped her feet with the music. She always felt so alive when the music played that she could never help dancing. So now, she struggled to keep herself rooted to her chair.

Suddenly she felt that she was being watched.

'It's him! And about time too,' she thought triumphantly. 'I want to see how he will react if I stare right back at him,' thinking which she suddenly turned around.

She saw him blush and flounder about. When he turned his red cheeks away to look at the couple, she couldn't help smiling herself.

'He is so lost, but that's what is charming about him,' she blushed. She saw him looking at her from the corner of his eye and she almost burst out laughing.

'Poor thing! Let me make it easier for him. Perhaps if I look away, he might turn this way again.'

And true to her thoughts, he did. She felt herself blush and smile, in spite of herself. She hoped that he would get up and approach her; perhaps, ask her for a dance. Her heart raced while she waited. She felt excited, and was surprised at her excitement, because she had never felt this way before.


When nothing happened, she decided to look his way. She gave him such a radiant smile. For a moment he just stared back. And then he closed his eyes! She was shocked beyond belief.

'Is he sleeping? Or meditating? What's wrong with him?, thinking which she looked away. She sensed that he had come out of his reverie and was staring at her again, but she was no longer interested. She was too miffed to care.

But when her anger finally subsided, she realized what a fool she had been.

'What's wrong with me? He is the quiet types, and someone like him won't just get up and ask to dance with me!,' she reasoned. 'Look at him! He looks so down! I'm sure he must have noticed me getting angry. He might be thinking that I didn't like him watching me. But that's just the opposite of what I wished! I hope I haven't ruined everything.'

Hoping against hope, she kept staring at him. He looked so frustrated and annoyed. If only he would look at her, she would make it alright.

Just when she was about to give up, he turned to look at her. She was so elated, she couldn't help smiling back at him. He looked so shocked, she wanted to laugh but held it in. But then, all of a sudden, he frowned and angrily looked away.

She got so confused. She couldn't understand why he would do that.

'I thought he liked me. But now I feel like such an idiot! I looked straight at him, I smiled at him!! I don't think I did anything wrong. Or did he found me too forward? But what was I supposed to do? He wasn't making the first move, so I had to. I'm not going to sit around here one moment longer!', she thought and walked straight to the groom's parents.

She requested them to ask the couple to accept her gift, so that she could leave. As they knew her very well, they obliged. 'If only they would come in soon, I could leave,' she tapped her feet impatiently while time seemed to drag on.

As she walked out of the hall after presenting her gift, she felt his eyes on her. But she wouldn't turn. Only once did she pause, while standing at the door.

'Should I turn around just once?' she wondered as she paused at the door. 'No! Why should I? It won't matter to him; he won't even be looking at me. And even if he were, he doesn't have it in him to call me back. He will not make the move and I will not suffer myself to such an embarrassment again!', she thought and stormed out.

As she slammed the door of the cab, she sat and thought back about him with tears in her eyes that promised to never dry.