My Attempt at an Interview

This was when I was looking for a new job. The e-learning firm required that before I came there for an interview, I must clear their technical round. In this round they asked me to come up with a write-up based on three different scenarios that they presented me. Though I never got a call from them after that, I feel the need to present those write-ups here in my blog. Even if no one else feels this way, I do find them quite interesting.

So here is the first one of the three:

Assignment 1:
In not more than 150 words spell out a hilarious narrative to describe your first time in a supermarket.


My Reply:
Gone are the good old days when there were no malls, only supermarkets; when an ice cream cost Rs. 5 and not Rs. 150; when shoplifting brought you accolades and not a hefty fine.

Those days I used to be five years old. And two and a half foot tall. And a prodigy—after all I knew all my alphabets, could count to 100, and had graduated to first grade! What does it matter if there were 44 others in my school who did the same?

That was also the time when my mom took me to the supermarket for the first time in my world-weary five year old life.

Never before had I ever seen tall wide walls of chocolates and biscuits and cakes all stacked up in rows! It was every child's dream come true. But not mine. Geniuses like me don't settle for anything less than the best. I had eyes only for the bonanza prize—a chocolate bar, with a bright happy photo of a child munching away happily, placed right at the pinnacle of a pyramid stack on top of a table in the center of the supermarket.

Ever since I could eat and walk (which was not quite long ago), I had learned the art of ferreting out sweets from the most distant and unreachable places. There was none who could quite match my renown for it. But there are certain simple rules to be followed if you want to be good at something like this. First of all, you need to be modest. No matter how much you would itch to have an audience to bear witness to such a great act like that, you must not let your pride come in the way.

So, I looked around to check if I was being watched. This was the age when closed circuit cameras were not in vogue. Assured that I had every opportunity to remain modest, I took two plastic baskets lying nearby—one I placed on top of the table, the other I used to climb up myself. Once up on the table, I had to be fast. Quickly, I climbed the other basket and set myself to grab the prize. But to my consternation, I realized that I still couldn't reach it; it was just an inch away from my fingertips. Though my current position was quite precarious, I dared to rise on my toes to reach my coveted chocolate bar. I stretched my puny little frame as far as I could. I could see that my fingers were just about to close in...ah! they caught of hold of it now...bam!

The next thing I knew, I was down on the floor, mired in a mess of chocolate bars with one chocolate held tightly in my small fist. I had bruised my knee and forehead, and got a nasty sprain in my ankle. The look my mom gave me assured me that the sprain would be heaven compared to my road back home.

I don't know exactly what was it that did it—my multiple bruises, my honey-eyed innocence, or my mother's wrath aimed at my young behind—I ended up landing a handful of other chocolates, including the one that I so craftily acquired, courtesy the kind shopkeeper. I went home jauntily, carefully ignoring everything my mom said, blissfully munching away my chocolate. And so I believe, all's well that ends well.



Assignment 2:
In not more than 150 words, weave a narrative (prose/verse) around the following words/phrases. Please note that all the words should occur in your write-up at least once. Also, in case of a phrase, all the words in the phrase should appear together.

1. Ice cream 
2. The Pythagoras Theorem
3. Solar system
4. Atom bomb
5. Time Machine
6. Superman
7. Pink balloon
8. Santacruz Nana Nani Park
9. Dysfunctional alarm clock
10. Kohinoor Circus
11. Mamta Kulkarni

My reply:
I was just reading the other day that all you need to do to find out the size of the solar system is to know the the Pythagoras theorem, Kepler's laws, and a few other celestial observations. I, for one, don't even know what Kepler's laws are in the first place.

But then of course I am not a scientific genius. I am not sure if it's a good thing to be one either; after all it took a scientific genius like Einstein to build the atom bomb as well. Poor Einstein! Can't really blame him; he was vehemently against the idea right from the start.

Speaking of Einstein, he is perhaps one of the greatest geniuses of all times. One of his famous thought experiments—the twin paradox—involved sending one twin off on a spaceship while keeping the other here on Earth. If the twins were to keep time, they would find that the one of Earth aged faster than the one on the spaceship! Call it the fault of the dysfunctional alarm clock or the fickle nature of time itself, the rate at which they would age would definitely be different.

If you find that hard to believe, you should have met my grandparents. They always kept saying to me, "Dear, you are growing up so fast!". As far as I was concerned, they always looked the same to me. I guess people do age differently.

I used to visit my grandparents quite regularly. They used to forcibly drag me to the Santacruz Nana Nani Park, much to my chagrin. After all, it is quite boring to see old people exercise and attempt at a semblance of running around, panting all the way. The only time I enjoyed going to the park was when the Kohinoor Circus had been set up in the area. There was a life-size photo of Mamta Kulkarni on one of its posters. I wondered which of the acts would she be a part of.

On our way back from the circus, my grandparents brought me a cone of ice cream and a pink balloon. They even got me a copy of my favorite superhero comic—Superman! I still have the copy with me. I had no idea that those special moments would be the last that I would have gotten to spend with my grandparents. Now, I only wish I had a time machine at my disposal to go back in time and treasure every moment I had with them. Even the ones at that boring park! But alas, as Einstein would point out, I cannot travel at the speed of light.


(The Writer's note:
By the time I reached the following assignment, I was at my wit's end. I was also late for work; running out of time. I had exceeded the word limit for both of the earlier assignments and I could find no way to shorten it in so little time. So, instead of coming up with a story, I decided to use satire in the most crude, direct way possible, hoping that whoever would review my work, would have a good sense of humor. It was much later that I realized that perhaps they didn't, because they never bothered to call me for the interview :)  ) 

Assignment 3:
In not more than 250-300 words, create a short story that connects the two pictures. You may interpret and present the nature of connections between these two pictures according to your understanding.

Lollipops

Two men and a ruin (The 2nd one is hidden in this pic ;) )

My reply:
If you have seen the movie 'Dil Chahta Hai', perhaps the most poignant and striking scene that  you would remember is of Amir Khan, Saif Ali Khan, and Akshaye Khanna sitting on top of a ruined wall, gazing out at the sea. And then, if you have seen 'Taare Zameen Par', you could never have missed  seeing the huge lollipop ball stuck on Amir Khan's nose.

In both these movies, the common factor is Amir Khan. People often wonder how Amir Khan ends up working in movies that are so different and unrelated to each other. My guess is that perhaps he must have worked for or at least tried applying for a job at a particular e-learning firm. This said e-learning firm seems to have a knack at throwing  up absolutely irrelevant and unrelated words at a person and expect them to form a cohesive whole out of it. I suppose I would call it "thinking out of the box". As for Amir Khan, he surely has made it his motto.

And since thinking out of the box requires a certain flexibility in terms of creative license, I suppose it would be perfectly alright if a person writes a novella when expected to write its foreword, and spins out a dreary introduction when asked to come up with an interesting speech.

Whatever the case might be, I seem to have done the same while I have myself tried to apply at the aforementioned firm. So while I am busy gazing at the picture of the two men standing in a ruin while chewing on a lollipop, I hope that as Amir Khan is rewarded for being a part of offbeat movies, I am also acknowledged for my absolute disregard for the rules of the game.